WARNING: This blog may be full of grammatical error, namely....tons of comma splices. I hope you grammarians can look past my faults-Jesus did! ;-)
If we don't learn how to be faithful in small things, how will we ever remain faithful when God entrusts us with bigger things?
For quite some time now I've had this dream on the inside of me to travel and worship lead and ultimately lead people into the presence of God. Well, I'm in college now and this dream is seemingly impossible; one, because I have no clue how to make it happen and two, my major couldn't be further from my dream. It's crazy! I sit in class sometimes thinking, why on earth am I majoring in counseling when I know that in my heart of hearts my desire is to worship. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't have a heart for hurting people. It's not that I don't genuinely care about other people's problems. My heart is to help, it really is. However, I don't believe I'm a good therapist. People tell me all of the time, "well, Kristin, that's why your're in school. You have to learn how to be a good therapist." While, I agree with their reasoning, I think that I've somehow talked myself out of the job-no matter how much I am learning.
I have many voices in my head (not to be mistaken for a schizophrenic) saying things like, "Why are you wasting scholarship money? Why are you wasting your parents money? Why are you wasting your time?" Perhaps, I could have used a better analogy to make me sound a little less psychotic. But, these are the question plaguing me.
Maybe I've reached some sort of 21-year-old crisis and the world is seemingly coming to an end or I've reached a 21-year-old milestone and I'm realizing that my life is just beginning- I'd like to believe the latter. Another theory could be that, I'm approaching my last year of my undergraduate studies and then I have to become a "real" adult. I've never had to be one of those-EVER! That's a daunting undertaking if you ask me. And lucky for me, I picked one of those degrees where I pretty much have to go to graduate school or the market is pretty much closed to me. YAY! More school....
God has a funny sense of humor though. While I was in the middle of studying for a test a couple weeks back, I was so frustrated thinking that I don't care, I'm not going to use this. I think that excuse is very juvenile- I used to say that for just about every math class in grade school. I mean, I didn't want to be a mathematician and I certainly don't want to be an accountant or anything. So, I always thought, "why do I have to take this?" Don't lie, you know you thought the same exact thing ;-) Anyways, God stopped me in the middle of my bad attitude and asked me, "If you don't learn how to be faithful in small things, how will you ever remain faithful when I entrust you with bigger things?" SLAP....in the face that is! It all hit me, if I trust that God is in control of my life and in control of every step that I take, then I should trust that I am right where I am suppose to be. Yes, I said it....School is exactly where I am suppose to be. I am perfectly positioned.
I need to be faithful with my school work, because this is exactly where God has me. This season won't last forever. And whether I dread my current season at times, its all for the "greater good." This reminds me of a certain verse in Romans, 8:28 to be exact. "8 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I trust that God will use what I am learning to help out in seasons to come. It will all work together, I'm sure of it!
Psalm 121:3 is constantly on my heart, "3 He will not let your foot slip-he who watches over you will not slumber." I don't know what the future looks like, but I know that God is not asleep over my life. I need not worry about what is next or how my dreams will come into fruition. Life is about taking it a day at a time. I choose to rest in the sovereignty of God. And if the things that I dream do not come true "to a T", I know that God is able to direct me along the path of His perfect will for my life. So, I say make YOUR dreams my dreams, Lord.
I leave you with a "Kristin-ism":
"At the end of the day, if I didn't get what I wanted it doesn't mean that God has forsaken me. If anything, it should confirm the fact that he is still here. His thoughts and ways are higher, therefore what I wanted is nothing compared to His plans for me."
If I didn't drive my point home, perhaps Britt Nicole's chorus of "Have Your Way" will help me in summation.
"So I'll stop searching for the answers, I'll stop praying for an escape. And I'l trust you God with where I am and believe that you will have your way. Just have your way, just have your way."
-Kristin
